Uncontrolled Substances

Hello, my name doesn't matter,

but I'm also addicted to attention.

A caring thought, a dopamine rush

and I'm on my way to salvation.

The problem begins when junkie old me

gets cold turkey on a chilly afternoon.

Skies turn ashen and my heartbeat fades

while my senses start feeling marooned.

I know it's a problem and believe me I try

to keep things calm in my zone.

Then logic comes and screws things up

and my self esteem leaves me alone.

I know I shouldn't crave a smile and nice words,

but who would reject a sweet respite?

It's so warm and comforting to feel like I matter

before going to sleep at night. 

Then waking up feeling like a king

with enough energy to take on the world.

Feeling motivation to create a million things

where positive feelings unfold.

Then what to do if not struggle against

this deep strong affliction of mine

and describe with words what I feel tonight

while me and my addiction untwine. 

A Thoughtful Limbo

A Thoughtful Limbo

What could I have done wrong
to fall in the empty recess of non-intention?
To be like a flesh and bone shooting star
and lose the delights of your attention.

Maybe I was too high on emotion,
feeling happy, euphoric and fine.
I talked too much and I locked myself
out of the dimension of your time.

I know we are friends, surely its clear,
but the distance grows larger by the day.
I act normal, like nothing happened,
but my inner workings have turned to clay.

I was not in love, but I was loving it.
I was not obsessed, I was only healing.
For the moment I was basking in the sunlight.
No compromises, just a new beginning.

Yet here I lie, back where I started.
Uncertain, confused and not so bold.
I feel like I've been left out of the house
and outside it's so bitterly cold.

There's no way I can explain this to you
without sounding like I am pouting.
So I am left with this heavy silence
where only verses end up sprouting.

Unbalanced

Unbalanced

Am I the hero or the hanged
the pariah or the devil's hand
the thought of silence that kills
or the clarity of spoken wills?

Am I real or a shooting star?
Am I near or just really far?
Is it fine to hope and yearn
or do I still have much to learn?

Am I a happy song or a tragedy
the melody of smiles or a sour malady
the crackle of lighting that glimmers
or a brew of doubts that simmers?

This is the crossroad I walk
Unbalanced and unable to talk
Is it fine to lie down and desire
or will I be burned in this fire?

The nectar of nightmares comes from the unforgiven

Your big brown eyes are like a sad malady
and your soft pale skin rouses my sense of distress
like a succubus you drain me out, I can't fight
slowly getting me deeper into a sorrowful mess.

You may never know how much of you still lives
in the thoughts that sometimes get me upset,
sweet memoirs that sting, piercing me like knives
yeah, those memories you chose to forget.

This is not a plead for you to return, lost queen.
It has been so long that you may no longer remember
that the first time your curse in my eyes was seen
was a cold afternoon on a mellow September.

I shall admit it, I am still half broken
and for that you may mock me, give my mind no rest
while at the same time, your silence becomes so outspoken
that it screams, destroys and shatters any kindness that's left.

Your voice becomes a cacophony is you're not there.
Your beauty becomes filth if beside me you don't lie
and your juices become the forbidden nectar of nightmares,
broken promises and a past that refuses to die.

Hideous seconds

Here I am, a creature trapped in this labyrinth of bitter palls,

in darkness and hopelessness as you don't care at all.

This is the creature you alone have created

pitied, thrown away and sometimes hated.

Is it this dungeon the deepest part of your being?

the walls smell of your skin and lost souls mimic your voice

just to remind me that I am trapped in the past

shaming me and making all of it to last.

The air feels damp with old broken promises

as I walk through hallways full of dust

with their particles whispering the untold story

of our moments of leisure and times of lust.

The walls are full of windows that have nothing to show

because this only lives in me, my sorrow and woes.

You decided to act as if I never existed,

in your never ending chasm of selfishness and distance.

Then I wake up, and I once again regain my strength,

but for those hideous seconds in all of their short length

I missed you while I shouldn't, I craved for you in vain

in another of those nights where my mind got lost again.

By AlucardX

This is one about those embarrassing moments when you catch yourself thinking about a lost love.