Throwback into feelings

Slumped in my chair, a mix of joy and fears

I lie in stupor after a one volatile high.

For an instant I felt like I haven't in years

without any reason and with no one in sight.

I am not charmed, not even in love,

yet for a second I felt no bitter bother.

It was not about lust, but feeling high above

like when you spend time with a significant other.

In my so short ecstasy of pristine feelings

I traveled to my past, saw myself as I used to be

I felt the rush of energy, a slight sliver of healing

and the sight of a mind's eye that could no longer see.

Now I am here again, hungover like before,

trying to retrace my steps to that moment in time.

Curious like a child who found a place to explore,

but tired as an adult who had just committed a crime.

I have no idea if this miracle will ever return.

I just know that it felt sweet while it was in sight.

A piece of my past self that proudly dared to burn

and warm my passage through this endless night.


This is for all of you who had been living lives that are a little distant from romance and relationships (mostly because of the things you been through and trust issues), but for a split second you feel just like you used to feel back when you trusted easily and were full of illusion for no apparent reason. 

Screaming my way through the crowd

I scream out loud because I stopped caring.
Replaced the word "proper" with the phrase "what I need".
Limits vanishing and desires glaring
Of a different me at a different speed.

I am now an enemy of petty expectation
more of an ordered chaos, of a convenient dimension
preacher of freedom, warlock of perception
and bard of distant and sweet anticipation.

My anthem is the one of the eternally broken,
mind in bliss, remembering ended seasons.
My language is the words that don't need to be spoken.
In a world with no regrets and no use for reasons.

Hard to understand, but voluntarily apathetic
to the ones who claim that I walk in mistake.
this is not meant to be correct or even aesthetic,
this is just a human who a new way tries to make.

So I am not going to apologize or conform.
Not going to stand down or cheaply comply,
for selling ourselves short and becoming the norm
is the quickest and most pathetic way to die.